When one child has autism or ADHD, the whole family is on the journey together. Siblings may notice that their brother or sister acts differently, needs more attention at times, or struggles in situations where they don’t. As parents, we can help our kids understand these differences in a way that builds empathy, love, and acceptance.
The key is to keep explanations simple, honest, and age-appropriate.
Why it’s important to talk about it
-
Prevents confusion: Kids may misinterpret their sibling’s behaviour as “being mean” or “getting special treatment.”
-
Builds compassion: When kids understand the “why,” they’re more likely to be patient and supportive.
-
Strengthens family bonds: Talking openly shows that every family member is valued and respected.
How to explain Autism or ADHD to younger kids (ages 3–7)
-
Little ones don’t need medical terms—they need simple comparisons they can relate to.
-
Autism: “Your brother’s brain works a little differently, so some things (like making friends or loud noises) are harder for him. But he’s really good at (naming something they love or excel at).”
-
ADHD: “Your sister’s brain has lots of energy and ideas. Sometimes it’s hard for her to sit still or focus, but she’s also really creative and fun.”
-
Use storybooks, puppets, or play to explain. There are wonderful children’s books about neurodiversity that can help make it real.
How to explain to older kids (ages 8–12)
- At this age, kids can understand more detail. They’re also likely to notice the differences and may have questions.
- Autism: “Autism means your brother’s brain is wired differently. He might not always understand social rules or jokes, but he has amazing strengths too, like (insert strength)."
- ADHD: “ADHD means your sister’s brain finds it harder to pay attention and control impulses. That’s why she may blurt things out or forget stuff, but it also means she thinks outside the box.”
- Encourage open questions: “What’s it like for you when your brother does ___?” This helps them feel heard too.
How to explain to teens
- Teens appreciate honesty and respect. They may also be protective of their sibling—or frustrated by the extra attention their sibling receives.
- Be direct: “Autism and ADHD are both neuro-developmental differences. They’re not bad or wrong—just different ways of experiencing the world.”
- Acknowledge challenges but also highlight strengths.
- Involve them in finding solutions: “What do you think helps your brother most when he’s overwhelmed?”
- For teens, resources like videos, podcasts, or articles can help them understand from real-life perspectives.
Everyday ways to build understanding
- Point out similarities: Remind siblings of what they enjoy together.
- Highlight strengths: Show that their brother/sister isn’t defined by challenges.
- Model patience: Kids learn empathy by watching us.
- Give siblings their own space: Make sure they still feel special and heard.
Final thoughts
Siblings play such an important role in a child’s journey with autism or ADHD. By giving them age-appropriate explanations, we’re not only helping them understand—we’re teaching them acceptance, empathy, and the value of celebrating differences.
At NeuroInclusive Essentials, we believe in supporting the whole family. Because when siblings feel included and empowered, the entire family grows stronger together.